I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
