sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
