i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
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I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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