Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
