I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
