Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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