dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It was confusing and full of hummus
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
