I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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