I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
