you guys were way drunker than both of me
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
