I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
