did you get engaged???
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
