apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i now understand why vodka
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
