So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
