you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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