just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
