I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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