I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
