Non-Jews are for practice
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.