Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.