I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
