we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
