I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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