I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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