weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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