My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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