Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
