Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Randomize
