I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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