Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
