Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
