it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
