You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
