I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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