Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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