I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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