Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
