I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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