Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
