you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
