you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
