I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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