we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
