I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
