Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
