you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
