Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
