i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
