Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
