and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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