all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
