I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
