if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
