Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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