i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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