Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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