I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
