Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
In other news, I just burned my penis
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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