And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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