So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
