Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
