trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
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You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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