No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
