so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
