Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Alive.
So much puke
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
