you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
