I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
