He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We need a shit load of segways right now
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
