You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Holy shit dude........stairs
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
