it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
