you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
