just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
