just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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