apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
