I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
