His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
