This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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